10 Ways Politics is Like NASCAR

November 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm (PoliTic-Tacs) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

In response to Jesse Ventura on Larry King saying that politics should run like NASCAR.

  1. They both have unsavory origins, involving illegal substances and common criminals.
  2. They both involve a lot of nothing, nothing, nothing- then suddenly, a big, fiery crash.
  3. They both eat up enormous amounts of TV time on Sundays.  (Seriously.  You make the DVR miss The Simpsons one more time and I will come to your house and steal every last one of your drier sheets, Danica Patrick.  How you like that driving suit now, huh?  With all that static cling…)
  4. Tom Cruise has made a movie about both.  One co-stars a hot, sexy, amazingly beautiful actress and the other has Nicole Kidman in it, so… yeah.
  5. Both waste a lot of energy.  The average car uses 66 gallons of gas per race.  43 cars per race.  That’s almost 3,000 gallons each race, and that doesn’t include time trials and test laps and warm-up laps.  Also, burning one gallon of gas releases 20 lbs. of carbon dioxide for a total of 60,000 lbs. or 30 tons per race.  In an average session of Congress, enough anthrothermal energy to power all of Sandusky, Ohio for 14 weeks is wasted.  In addition, more than 40 trillion tons of C02 are emitted.
  6. Only the ‘real’ Americans get it.
  7. In both, members of the same ‘team’ may sacrifice themselves for the advancement of the ‘team’.  In Talladega Nights, it was John C. Reilly.  In politics, it’s Larry Craig.

    This guy firmly believes the mantra: "Rubbin' is Racin'!"

  8. Both are best watched while completely and belligerently drunk.
  9. For both, it is recommended to invest in a comfortable set of earplugs.
  10. Both involve a LOT of yelling rednecks in Star Spangled clothing.
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