Why I Hate Whipahol

November 12, 2010 at 5:39 am (Gastro-Nominal) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

from whippedlightning.com

 

Ok, hate may be too strong of a word.  I guess it’s really more of a shoulder-shrugging ‘meh’.

Whipahol is the name given to products like Whipped Lightning.  Some people might try to tell you that Whipped Lightning is ‘alcoholic whipped cream’ or ‘whipped cream with alcohol in it’. Take that description with a grain of salt.

As far as alcohol content goes, Whipped Lightning is listed at 18.25% or 36.5 proof, putting it on par with most weaker liquers such as Bailey’s (17%/34 proof).

from pollsb.com

Coming in a 375ml (12.7 oz) can, this would mean that indulging your inner 8-year-old by repeatedly filling your mouth with amaretto froth will get you as drunk as slamming 3 ½ Mickey’s. Of course, this is assuming that you can get all of it out of the can, which we all know is nearly impossible.

But the alcohol content is not the questionable aspect of whipahol. The Whipped Lightning website contains an FAQ that reveals a few disturbing facts and raises more questions than it answers. In particular, the manufacturers highly advise against refrigerating the product, as it apparently causes the product to ‘separate from the cream’.

from michelebachmann.com- And, no, I'm not happy I had to visit that site...

The only dairy products I’m aware of that don’t need refrigeration are the kinds that Michele Bachmann supporters store in their underground doomsday bunkers and exotic local delicacies like fermented horse milk. Even Reddi-Wip, the spray-cheese of whipped cream, requires refrigeration.

Because the manufacturers have registered the product as an alcohol product and not a food product, they have avoided FDA inspection and labeling requirements. This leaves the question as:

Are you comfortable ingesting a product made of undisclosed ingredients that seems to defy the rules of nature?

The answer, for many, will be ‘More alcohol in my Blow Job? Hellz yeah!’ but there are considerations:

  • The alcohol added by topping your shot with Whipped Lightning is insignificant. 
  • According to most of the taste tests one can find online, Whipped Lightning does not have the same fluffy consistency of regular whipped cream, which, in many minds, is one of the major selling points of whipped cream.
  • The average price listed online for Whipped Lightning is $10 plus shipping. Buy yourself a home cream whipper for $30-50 and you’ll be saving money and you have the flexibility of creating any flavor you can imagine plus have a fluffier, creamier product. For those Dixie cup parties, the question is: Buy a can of Whipped Lightning or another 750ml of “Kumgetcha“?- the latter providing much more (barely potable) bang for the buck.
  • Okay, let’s be honest. Many of those reading this are imagining some recreation of Ali Larter’s scene in Varsity Blues– a sexy-time romp with a can of Whipped Lightning and an adventurous lover with a sweet tooth. But as any frat boy who has made the mistake of trying to Drakkar Noir his dangly bits can attest, alcohol and genitals don’t exactly mix. (Trivia: that was really shaving cream anyway.)
  • Who, besides hardcore alcoholics, really craves the taste of alcohol? It seems that history is replete with individuals who have devoted their lives to an alcohol delivery method that downplays the choking, burning sensation that is the hallmark of yeast waste.

In conclusion, I can’t see why anyone needs Whipped Lightning. Foodies are more likely to be interested in creating their own (though they will have to refrigerate it- Darn!) and those interested in maximizing alcohol impact will probably be better served by… oh, I don’t know- adding more liquor to their drink?

I think I’ll wait for the inevitable bacon-infused whipped cream.

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2 Comments

  1. Cheryl said,

    This seems like a classic case of “Just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.”

    Whipped bacon cream, though – I would definitely try that. Once.

    • vitajex said,

      Cheryl-

      You pretty much nailed it. Like a lot of freeze-dried, reconstituted what-not, there’s usually a better, more transparent (and probably healthier) way. I’m not the kind who gets super hung-up about what I eat, but something that just seems… wrong? I’ll pass, thanks.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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