HEY, Don’t Eat That!: 5 (MORE) of the Dumbest Things People Have Intentionally Eaten

December 1, 2010 at 6:01 pm (Gastro-Nominal) (, , , , , , , , )

-from Photobucket user oromis_bmc

This post will add 5 more inductees into the Hey, Don’t Eat That! Hall of Fame.  First, a quick recap of our first 5 inductees:    

  1. Artichoke Leaves
  2. 78 Forks and Spoons
  3. Pumpkin Seeds (Far Too Many and Little Else)
  4. Hair
  5. Nickels

Now, onto our newest members:

-Photo from oddee.com

6.  Anonymous Chinese Woman – 20 Cobblestones

Ladies, I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about an issue that is very important to me.  From the first sloped-brow, grunting proto-human to a modern-day sparkly Ryan Reynolds vampire with Bieber bangs and a Black AmExno man is worth swallowing a rock for- let alone 20 rocks.

This poor young woman from China would do well to take this lesson to heart.  When she had a fight with her boyfriend, she felt the best way to get back at him would be to swallow a full score of cobblestones.  They may be charming when paving a roundabout, but are less so when paving your gastro-intestinal tract.

When they didn’t come out as she expected, she wisely consulted the Internet for medical advice.  And the Internet told her to go to a doctor.  Of course, this was after the Internet asked her what she was wearing.

-Photo from Photobucket user michaeltomjim

7.  Numerous People – Santol Seeds

Santol is a tropical fruit grown in Southeast Asia that looks like a mandarin orange mated with a banana.  There’s nothing particularly dangerous about the fruit itself which is quite popular and often used in cooking.  The problem is these:

"Well, the bad news is these babies poked holes in your intestines. The good news is they'll make an AWESOME necklace!" -Photo from atrandomness.blogspot.com

Apparently, it’s common practice to swallow the seeds of the santol among certain areas of Southeast Asia.  In fact, it causes so many problems, that both the Royal College of Surgeons of Thailand and the chairman of the Department of Surgery at a prestigious Manila hospital have issued warnings against swallowing santol seeds.  The latter began mounting a personal advocacy campaign against the eating of santol seeds after one of his patients, a 50 year old woman, died of septicemia when some of these little buggers caused her sieve-like intestines to leak fecal matter into her blood stream.

Who could resist such a tantalizing treat? -Photo from Photobucket user Pahavit

8.  Anonymous Australian Man & 70 Beijing Diners – Raw Slugs and/or Snails

In March, a 21 year-old Australian man was on the verge of death after contracting a rare form of meningitis known, colorfully, as rat lungworm.  Rats carry the disease and excrete the larvae in their stools, which slugs and snails then eat.  I was unaware of the fact that slugs and snails ate rat crap and I am now regretting my ill-advised decision to re-enact this scene from Delicatessen last weekend…

The Australian man had eaten a raw slug on a dare, not realizing the danger.  If he had done his homework and read more obscure Chinese news stories like this one, he would have heard about the 70 diners who ended up in the hospital after eating raw snails.

Escargot?  More like EscarNO! 

Gah! It's like a prop from a Cronenberg movie... -Photo from Photobucket user ersico

9.  Unnamed Fijian Man – Toadfish

Marketing new food products always hinges on one key ingredient: a catchy name that says ‘Yum!’- especially if your product is less-than-appealing to the eye.  Well, evolution, history and linguistics have come together to help modern man realize an important fact and that fact is “Don’t eat this fish.”

With all of the allure of sun-baked roadkill and a name that causes the tastebuds to recoil in horror, the toadfish would seem to be pretty safe from the ravenous, gnawing maws of even the drunkest humans.  However, in August of 2006, 3 men filleted and ate one of these abominations in Bowen, Australia.  One of them did not survive the experience.

Toadfish carry the same poison as the same kind of pufferfish that once threatened the life of America’s favorite TV dad, called tetrodotoxin.  Tetrodox, as the kids are calling it nowadays, is 100 times more poisonous than potassium cyanide, has no known antidote and can kill an adult in as little as 20 minutes.

Now, at first glance, this may not seem like a worthy entrant in this hallowed Hall of Fame- people inadvertently eat poisonous fish fairly regularly.  Well, here’s the answer to that, from the original article:

“Police say the men were aware the fish could be poisonous.”

Nothing says 'delicious' like bare feet! -Photo from Photobucket user bodylanguagetattoos

10.  Psychonauts and Desperate Dieters – Bath Salts

A new trend piece coming to a lazy journalist near you: “legal high” bath salts.  These products are apparently a thinly-veiled attempt to market a dangerous and illegal combination of chemicals by labeling them as something other than what they are: drugs.

Now, I’m no genius but, if someone were to tell me that I would grow functional angel wings and gain the power of invisibility just by drinking a gallon of Drano, I wouldn’t do it.  No matter what the Internet told me.

The sad part of this story is that this junk is also being unofficially marketed as a weight-loss aid.  Considering that ingesting the product keeps you up for days and unable to eat, that’s no big surprise.  Of course, like cocaine, meth and other stimulants, people are quickly hooked and strung out.  In the fall of 2009, a young bride died of her addiction to taking Ivory Wave, a brand of bath salts that contains an unknown list of ingredients that can change at any time and is clearly labeled ‘not for human consumption’.


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